Going Through the Big D

You know what sucks? Divorce. I am saying that with no first-hand experience in divorce so I can only imagine people that actually go through a divorce would describe it in a way worse than sucks.

It is pretty horrible to hear about anyone divorcing, well, maybe not when one person is abusing the other and such, but in general it is not happy news to hear. I don't think anyone walks down the proverbial aisle of marriage thinking they will get divorced. If they do, then they probably have bigger problems than their upcoming divorce.

No, really, when the man or woman of your dreams proposes to you and you plan a wedding there is never the thought that the actual marriage will not be as great as the wedding they are happily planning. You are thinking dresses, flowers and honeymoons..not the actual hard work the marriage will be. It is not easy to live with someone day in and day out and get along all of the time. I believe marriage is hard work for every married couple.

Divorce is about as common as marriage these days, sadly. Everyone knows someone that has been divorced. My parents are divorced, my in-laws are divorced, and two of my sisters have also been divorced. They all have their own reasons why their marriages didn't work, some of which I am aware of and some of which I don't think anyone is aware of but the actual couple involved.

When my parents got divorced I was devastated. No child, no matter what their age (I was in college) wants to see their parents relationship end. It was hard on our family and since my sisters and I were adults, we weren't shielded from all the horribleness a divorce is. It hurt and it was hard to watch.

I felt deeply sad for my sisters when they divorced. They both had kids and I felt sad for their children more than I felt the loss of their marriage, like I did my parents. I knew in my heart it was the best thing for my sisters, but already having been the kid in the situation, I felt for my nephews and niece.

It didn't take long after Jason and I were married for our first set of friends to announce they were divorcing. I hate to say it, but it was a shock to no one. We saw the divorce coming miles away and were actually relieved to see the couple separate (they had no children) and get on with their lives. It was hard because we were friends with both of them, but in the end, we remained friends with the person who was the better friend to us. We didn't really choose one over the other, the other person made the choice for us.

I recently learned another one of our couple friends are divorcing and I am totally thrown by it. It wasn't anything I saw coming, ever. I can't stop thinking about them, and their kids, as they try and get through the divorce process as cordially as two people can who have decided to divorce. We are friends with both of them and hate to see them go through this. I keep running their relationship (the parts I knew) over and over in my head trying to see if I missed any signs, what went wrong, and so on. I can only imagine if I am making myself this crazy thinking about it, this must be destroying them.

It is only natural that I am keeping in touch more with the woman in the situation and I am sure Jay will continue to stay in touch with the guy, we love them both. But.....but since I know how much my friend is hurting right now, I want to hate him. I want to call him and tell him he is making the biggest mistake of his life. I want to remind him he has kids who will forever be changed by his actions. I want him to wake up tomorrow and realize his marriage is worth saving.

But....I can't. The truth is it's not my battle to fight and I don't know the first thing about their marriage. I don't know what went wrong and what could have been done to save it.

I only know my marriage. I only know why I continue to fight the good fight to keep my marriage happy. It is easy to compare my relationship to other peoples, especially friends that live similar lives to me, but no marriage is created equal.

I am heart-broken for my friends and wish them peace and happiness in the future. I also hope that the rest of my friends going through a tough time or a rough spot in their marriage are able to put the hard work in and make it out the other side, together. There is no shame in fighting through it, as I am a firm believer that all good things are worth fighting for.


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