We Interrupt This Blog for....Porn!

It has been awhile, too long, really and I have missed being here. You know, writing about mostly nothing. It makes me feel better. So where was I? Oh yeah, the dog bite.

The dog bite is still (almost 5 weeks later) a huge pain in my ass leg. It is not healing as well and not nearly as fast as I would like it to. Several doctors visits, ooze cultures (yes, that is a real thing), another round of antibiotics and a CT scan later and it is official....my leg has one hell of a wound.

It is still swollen and the muscles and nerves have been torn and yada, yada, yada. I want my freaking summer back! It has been a total buzz kill on the fun summer type things I generally get to do, but it is slowly but surely getting better. I refused another round of antibiotics because, well, honestly 20 days does enough bad things to your body. So I wait and figure it will heal one of these days.

In order to distract me from the bite from hell I started reading the Fifty Shades of Grey series. Obviously there is no better way to make oneself feel better than by reading ridiculous porn. Yes, I know it is called Erotica, but who the hell are they trying to fool? The author is not Madonna and the books are straight up written porn.

The books are amazing in the way that you can't believe the shit you are reading or that, ohmygod I could. not. put. them. down. I was sucked in and could not bring myself to back away. I finished the last book over the weekend and am sad it is over and relieved I have my life back. It was a time consuming series.....there is a lot of sex and just reading all of it made me exhausted. All I know is Christian and Ana have stamina like no one, ever.

There were more parts of the books that were ridiculous than really believable but I still loved every word of it. If I got anything out of it, it was the ability to have several conversations with my girlfriends over the weekend using the terms nipple clamps, butt plugs, Ben Wa balls and flogger. One of us even described something as a "hard limit." It has changed us all, obviously.

So that is where I've been...happily reading my porn. My kids have been running around dirty and motherless the last couple of weeks because I just kept saying one more chapter then I'll give you a bath and so on. Jason stepped up and took one for the team so I could continue plowing through them, although I think he was hoping the books would benefit him in a way. wink, wink Poor thing didn't realize that by the time I was done with the books I was way too tired from reading about all that sex to even actually have any sex.

Other than the porn, things have been bat-shit around here. We have been up north several times and spent all last week with no power, you know when it was 103 balmy degrees out, so we were living in WI with my Mom. Joey could not even spend 5 minutes outside without wheezing due to the heat so we missed fireworks and all holiday festivities to hunker down in the AC. Then Jay and I spent the weekend in Kentucky for our annual Adults Gone Wild weekend (the porn talk was so useful) with our closest friends. It was a great trip away but when I climbed in my own bed last night it had been 11 days since I slept in it. I was happy to be home, in my bed, with power and clothes in drawers instead of suitcases.

We have a busy week before we leave for our next trip to Michigan. Yeah for summer trips, yippee for porn and well, f off to dog bites!

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