Insanity

Albert Einstein defines insanity like this: "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I have always been drawn to this quote because, well, according to it I am insane. I struggle to not do the same things repeatedly, looking to achieve different results each time I do them.

I am not sure if Einstein had people in mind when saying this famous line but, I think it holds true. I have trouble with this because when it comes to people it is only natural, I think, to want to give them the benefit of the doubt. The only problem is usually the people that continually need to be given the benefit of the doubt are the exact people who don't deserve it and always let you down.

I have seen this countless times and still I try to believe differently. I still look for any signs that the person has changed or become different, each time I end up disappointed. According to Einstein, I am insane and according to me, foolish.

My husband is better at this than me.  He is more of a fool him once shame on you, fool him twice shame on me, or him, (you know what I mean) kind of a guy.  He refuses to expect more from the very people who consistently fall short.  He warns me over and over not to let myself expect anything different because I am just asking for disappointment. I still sometimes do, although the bigger the disappointments the faster I am getting to know better.

It doesn't matter how kind you are, how supportive you try and be or how honest you are with them. They inevitably put themselves before they would ever consider you, lie to you so they feel better about themselves or just plain think they have the answers to everything so there is never any listening with them.

Life is not only about talking, but also about listening and most importantly, hearing.

I still hope for a different outcome. I wait for the day when maybe, today, something will be different. I can't continue on the pattern anymore though. It turns out doing the same thing over and over again doesn't give you different results. It will, however,  drive you insane. Einstein was right about that.

So, I will stop expecting things to be different than they always have been. I will also stop offering the benefit of the doubt to people who are so wrapped up in themselves they don't even see me there offering. It is these people that disappoint me over and over again and I have no room for them or the insanity they cause in my life.