The Diet


I am on a diet. I know, I know, who isn’t these days, right?  I also know that some of you (mostly my family) are rolling their eyes and calling me crazy. Unless you are my Mom and then you would be calling my psychotic, that’s her favorite way to describe my diet and exercise routine lately.

I will admit I am not overweight. I amwas, errr..still am sometimes an unhealthy eater. I have been pretty good about exercising since I was in college. Something about dating a bartender and drinking multiple vodka lemonades several times a week followed by a frozen pizza at 3am that add up to one giant ass. So I have been good about getting to the gym since that guy.

I have always been a crappy eater. My diet was the equivalent to a toddler’s. I ate mac n’ cheese, grilled cheese, cereal, pancakes and pb & j. I loved to chase it all down with a Mt. Dew (since I gave up that guy and the twice-weekly vodka lemonades.) As I got older I started eating more dinners out like pastas and pizza but I don’t eat meat and I was never a cooked veggie eater and honestly only ate a few select raw veggies.

I knew it was a poor diet, but I also knew if I busted my ass at the gym I didn’t gain weight and my pants still fit so sure, I will gladly celebrate with an Oreo Blizzard, thanks!

I survived this way for a long time. Got married, went through two pregnancies and was still able to get back down to my pre-baby weight with minimal effort. Until one day I noticed my pants getting tighter…and tighter. Before I knew it I was up 10lbs and rapidly gaining. I didn’t get it since I was working out more than ever and wasn’t eating more calories, just the same old crappy diet.

I headed to the doctor all “something must be wrong with me because look at my ass!” and after several tests the results were shocking. He explained I had so many vitamin deficiencies and that my diet was to blame. I explained that although Frosted Flakes were my dinner at least twice a week that was better than a burger and fries and I hardly ate any fast food and, and, and....

No luck. It was official I was a horrible eater and it was catching up to me. The truth was no amount of exercise and no multi-vitamin were going to help. I needed to change my diet.

I hired a nutritionist and officially became “on a diet.” Yes, I wanted to lose the 10 lbs that I had gained but I really wanted, needed, to learn how to make healthier meal choices. This was a challenge since I am the pickiest eater – ever. I have to weigh in every week and I have to log my meals (which I will admit I am better at doing this some days than others.) The only other part of my food nazi’s (that is what I call my nutritionist since, well, that is what she is) plan was I had to run twice a week and she gave me a schedule of what I had to do in terms of miles and pace, etc. I am not a runner. I don’t get a runner’s high; I get shin splints and pulled groins. This was hard for me at first but crucial to my calorie burn. My food nazi was also a personal trainer so she created a workout plan to go along with my food plan and, abracadabra! I am trying to be healthy.

It is hard. There are days I am so, so hungry and then there are the days I silently tell my food nazi to go f herself because I am eating ice cream.  So, I do. Then I feel horribly guilty and head to the gym. It is an addictive thing, being healthy. Since you put so much work into it and the rewards are hard (and slow) to come by, you feel that much better when you see it working. I love the days my pants feel a little loose and hate the days the scale says I am up but both of those things is what keeps me working hard (well, that and I am scared of my food nazi, of course.)

No, I am not crazy (or psychotic, MOM) and I eat plenty of things I shouldn’t. I am also not trying to be a size 0 skeleton of a person. I just want to be healthy and feel fit for me. I also don’t want to have a big ass because come on; no one wants a big ass.