Are you there God....?

I am not super religious. Yes, I believe in God and try my best to have faith but I will be the first to admit I am not hauling my butt out of bed every Sunday morning for church.

I believe you can have faith and believe in God without having to necessarily go to church to pray. Some of my biggest prayers have been answered in hospital beds. I think if you believe in God (or any other religious figure) then He is with you.

We sent Jack to a Lutheran preschool and Joey will start at the same school this year. It is a great school and we love the program. They have a regular school curriculum and they also have "Jesus Time" every day. It is a good mix of the basic school stuff and a little religious ed as well. I have no problem with my kids learning about Jesus as long as they know their alphabet too.

Since Jack has been attending school there he has had quite a few questions about God. Things like why his Papa has been in heaven at Jesus' house for so long or why God makes people die. He has recently started asking me why God would make the Earth have such big storms like tornadoes that rip out trees and blow people's houses down.

All of these are great questions for a 5 year old. I have been able to answer them in a way that he understands while hoping not to create additional questions about why God does the things he does.

I explained that people sometime go to heaven to be angels or to be Jesus's helper. I told him that Papa had to live forever at Jesus's house because he does special things up there like look down on us and keep us safe. I told him that God made storms like tornadoes so that when old trees fall down knew trees get a chance to grow and live and people's houses do sometimes get destroyed but that means they get new houses to start fresh with.

Although these answers aren't all completely true they are all I can offer him. The truth is, I don't know. I don't get it myself. I'm not sure why his Papa had to go too soon or why people's lives are sometimes destroyed by acts of God. I do my best to believe and have faith, but there are days that is just so hard to do.

The day I learned my good friends baby passed away at 4 months old I could not make myself understand why God does what he does. At that time all I could think was his plan was pretty shitty. When my dear friend died moments after her son was born, tragically and entirely too young, I thought this is not fair. Why would any God take this baby's Mom away? There were no answers that brought me any peace. It is just unfair.

Then yesterday I got the news that a girl I went to high school with passed away. She was 32 years old and one of the most wonderful people I came across during my high school years. Although I've only run into her a few times since I graduated, she was still the same great girl. When I think of her back then I think only one thing...everyone liked her. Really, do you know how hard that is in high school? I can't recall ever hearing one single negative thing about this girl. She was loved by everyone. She was funny, smart and caring. She was doing great things in her life. She has an incredible family full of brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews who are literally heartbroken over her being gone.

So right now all I can do is ask God, why? Why her? Why did she have to get cancer and not beat it? Why take a girl who has so much to live for and so many people loving her? Because I am certain there are people out there that don't deserve to see the light of day for the things they have done and still you take her....a coach, a friend, someones daughter, sister and aunt.

I am trying hard to believe in God tonight. Right now I am not finding any peace or comfort in his plan. I pray she is at peace tonight and her family has the faith to believe. Goodbye, Ellen. You will be missed.

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