The Top 10 Reasons My Mother Can Never Die

Well, it's official, my Mom got the news today that she needs to have her knees replaced. She is just a week shy of 61 and both of her knees are worn out. She has been working those knees for years (not like that you dirty minded pervs, this is my mother we are talking about.) All the hands-and-knees floor washing and gardening have caught up with her. She has been suffering in pain hobbling around for months now so it is good to get the surgery on the books. She scheduled the double, yes as in both, at the same time, knee replacement for July 5th.

This is all good and dandy except I leave for vacation the following week so I won't be around to help out and one of my sisters has a kid getting his tonsils out that week as well so she will be living in her own kind of hell leaving only two of the four of us girls left on the clock. My sister Amy turns 40 that week as well and I am pretty certain walking my Mom from her bed to the toilet is the most depressing way ever to ring in the big 4-0.  Nonetheless, it is scheduled and happening. I am a wee bit nervous because having one knee fixed would be alot but having two done at the same time just sounds down right miserable. My Mom wants it done and over with so she is fine with suffering through. My bet is on her and I am sure she will be up and walking like a champ in no time.

It has left me realizing exactly how much I take my Mom for granted though. For instance, my Mom is my dog sitter while I am on vacation. Since she won't be able to be up and down dealing with my fur-baby that week I am going to have to beg and plead one of my sisters to go to my Mom's and let my dog out. We had also asked my Mom (several months ago) to watch the kids for us at the end of July while Jay and I go on our annual Adults Gone Wild trip with our friends, kid free. Back then she agreed. Now I am thinking we should start the search for a new weekend sitter (although she swears she will be Krausfeldt-boy ready by then.)

So this surgery started me thinking on just how inconvenienced I feel over this surgery. Yes, I am well aware how selfish that sounds. It is selfish, but I am being honest. She is just not someone we can live without, ever. So here are my completely selfish top 10 reasons my Mom can never die:

1. She is my go-to babysitter & dog sitter. The best Grandma ever.
2. Who will use my iron and ironing board? They would be rendered useless in my house.
3. Who will help me pick out & then plant my flowers?
4. Who will alter & sew my clothes when needed? I can't even sew a button on.
5. She is the stain master - really, she can get a stain out of anything. It is pretty amazing.
6. My husbands pants will have no buttons and holes in the crotch. (see number 4)
7. She does it all. Cleaning, packing, moving, puke cleaning, lawn-mowing and laundry folding. Her resume is pretty extensive.
8. Who will I talk to in the morning on the way to work?
9. Who will my sisters and I gripe about to each other? That's what mother's are for!
10. Who will make us feel better no matter what our life's problems are?

In all honesty, there are way more than 10 but these are some of the crucial ones. Obviously my Mom is the bees knees...only coming soon with brand knew knees! She will be a bionic Grandma of sorts after this surgery. I plan on turning her into that Grandma from that movie where they have to plug the Grandma in every night in her rocking chair...I think it was called The Electric Grandmother? That Grandma is great. She just gets charged up each night and then she is able to perform like a regular Grandma by day doing things like baking cookies and playing with her grandkids. That will allow me to avoid actually having to do any of the 10 things listed above without her. Also, she really likes rocking chairs so she will be perfectly comfortable turning into the plug-in Grandma, I am sure.

Let's hope she has a speedy recovery!


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