Poker Face

As a parent, as a Mom, I am well aware of my faults. My weaknesses. I know them in my heart and have had them pointed out by countless individuals, Jason most frequently. The conversations often include "Are you going to let them talk to you like that?" or "They don't listen to you because they know you won't follow through" or better yet, "You're such a sucker." Truly, I could fill an entire post with these sayings. Each time someone says one to me it gets no easier to hear. I listen, but it is by far the biggest challenge of parenting for me.

So, no, it isn't really a surprise that they don't listen to me for shit. That I repeat myself four thousand times for every single thing I ask them to do. That Jack has been known to look right in my eyes when I am telling him not to do something and without missing a beat, do it again. It makes me insane.

It is also no surprise that I have two voices, yelling and screaming. That lately I find myself ashamed of myself by how much I am screaming at them trying, begging, to get them to listen to me. It doesn't even seem like they hear me. Could they really just disregard me so easily? It seems so.

Bedtime is the worst part of our day, every day. There are a million excuses and trips out of bed for water, to pee, to look for missing stuffed animals, because someone hit the other and on and on. It can last for hours. It always ends in me (and Jason) screaming and threatening. It causes so much stress between Jay & I because we are basically taking turns running upstairs to put one of them back in their bed and to holler at them. We pause the DVR and then bitch at each other about how ridiculous this is and how it has to stop. Obviously neither of us has the answer to stopping it since we do it day in and day out. They are not anything if not consistent.

I have said it before and I will say it again, but my sweet baby Joey is the devil with blue eyes and his Daddy's face. He brings naughty to a whole new level. Knowing this, I am unsure why I was shocked that when I threatened him tonight with throwing his toys in the garbage if he didn't pick them up before bed, he simply told me "throw them away Mama." 

I was speechless. My three year old just called my bluff! I must have the worst poker face ever.

If it wasn't for Jack flipping out that he didn't want the toys thrown away and picking them up as fast as his little hands could, those toys would have had to go in the trash, right? I mean I couldn't let Joey see me bluff but I have done the whole act like you are throwing the toys away trick before. I pick them up, toss them in a garbage bag and put them outside. Then after the kids go to bed (eventually) I mix the toys back in with the bazillions of others in the play room. I thought they believed I tossed the toys. Apparently Joey is either on to me or could care less because he basically looked at me like eff you, throw them away. The only thing that would have made it more of a slap in the face was if he followed it up with you'll buy me more anyway. In which case I would have had to turn my mother card in.

It was a humbling moment when once again, I saw that I am indeed not the one ruling the roost around here. They are the ones calling the shots even if I am the one doing all the yelling like a crazy person. They are winning. I just assumed the parents always win, which is most likely the very reason I am not.

After all that, bedtime still sucked. It wasn't as bad as it usually is and I only had to yell and scream once. After that I marched straight up there with a spatula. I told them if they even so much as thought of getting out of their beds again I was going to swat their hiney's with the spatula. Scary right? Doesn't that say I mean business?

I thought it did until as I was yelling and threatening to swat their butts Jack casually and calmly asks me why the spatula has holes in it. SERIOUSLY, KID? It was as if he didn't even notice or care that I was threatening to whack him. I didn't even know what to say to him. I just hung my head and walked out, defeated.

I am thinking giving up is easier than fighting this battle. These two were born to destroy me.


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