Quitter


I wouldn’t describe myself as a quitter, but that is all I want to do right now. I have been working out regularly for several months now and haven’t seen the results I wanted. It has been hard work that requires me to get up before any living thing should have to and still I’ve seen no change.

After complaining for the millionth time to my husband about this, he was quick to tell it to me straight. I have the worst diet ever. I would not see my body change as long as my eating habits stay the same. Basically, he said I was wasting my time.

He was right. I knew it. He knew it. Hell, anyone who has ever met me and had a meal with me knows it. But, how could I change things. I only eat what I eat because that is all I like.  Sure I could change things like cutting out sugar and sweets, but how was I going to add protein when I don’t eat any meat except the occasional piece of chicken? Apparently protein is important in building muscle and all that jazz. If anyone should be seeing muscles being built, sculpted, toned, for the amount of exercise being performed it was me.

So I followed in the footsteps of my sister and friends and bought a BodyMedia Go, Wear, Fit armband. It is made by the same people that make the Body Bug that they use on The Biggest Loser. Surely if it worked for them,  this tool would help me.

I wear this arm band all day long, even when sleeping, and only take it off to shower. It tracks my steps, sleep efficiency and calories burned throughout the day (which it turns out sitting at my desk all day – NOT HELPING.) I log all my meals and then it tells me if I have a calorie deficit for the day or if I went over the amount of calories I am allowed. It is great. Really it is so helpful and interesting, except still no change.

Since I don’t get enough protein from the foods I currently eat, I went and bought a protein powder so I can make myself a protein shake. I have been eating hard-boiled egg whites like it is my fucking job and did I mention the cardboard tasting protein bars (except the Special K pb ones…those are tasty.) All that and still – NOTHING.

Frustrated? Angry? Sore and Exhausted? That is me.

To add to my bitterness it is cold and ugly outside. I know I live in Chicago and it is January and that equals miserable weather but all that makes me want to do is throw on my sweats, climb on the couch and eat a pop-tart (or twelve) and hibernate.

As you can see my motivation? Less than motivational. Still I get up before dawn, head outside in my sexy flannel jammies with the dogs on them and Ugg boots (you are welcome for the visual) to start my car so I can head to Boot Camp and try again.

I keep trying but what I really want to do is quit.

Exercising should make you feel good and strong and full of energy and toned. I don’t. I feel tired, sore, flabby, hungry and sick of egg whites and protein bars.

Someone please pray I find the motivation, the will, to keep going or come spring I am going to walk out of my house in enormous sweat pants covered in pop-tart crumbs.

Won’t I be pretty?

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