My Childhood Anxiety is my Motherhood Reality

When I was little I hated the days when my Mom wasn’t home when I woke up for school. Sometimes she would have to leave for work early or occasionally she would be traveling and since my Dad always left the house super early we were left to get up on our own. (read: my older sister Amy was responsible for making sure we were up before she left for school.)

This caused me great anxiety. I hated waking up and not having her be home. There were so many things that could go wrong. I would worry she or my Dad would forget to leave our lunch money on the counter. Then I would have nothing to eat for lunch and I might starve to death in the 6th grade. What if I woke up sick and she wasn’t home to say whether or not I could stay home or not. So I would have to go and feel sick all day. What if I missed the bus? I would be stranded at home, all alone.

There were a million what ifs. I wouldn’t sleep well knowing she was leaving early and I would try to wake up before she left, even if it was only briefly, so I could remind her to leave my lunch money. Once I had the chance to talk to her and remind her about the lunch money I could fall back asleep feeling at peace.

I am weird, I know, but I really dreaded those days.

Now that I am the Mom and the one leaving in the morning, I still have the same anxiety. I hate leaving before the boys are awake. I like to talk to them, see how they are and go over what the plan for the day is before I leave.

But mostly, I love being able to kiss them goodbye and I like telling them I will see them later and to have a great day and to be good boys. I feel better about my day when I get to do that.

We all know that good days start with good mornings and their hugs, kisses and I love you's make my mornings.


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