Impossible Decisions

I am not sure at what age we stop being concerned about what the local bar’s drink specials are and more concerned about grown up things…like will’s and trusts. When exactly did this happen to me? And sweet Lord, why?

I think it is probably important for anyone who owns anything of value to have some sort of will, you know a prepared plan of what to do with everything you are if you were gone.  This is one of those things that people say, ”I really need to do that…” but never do. Let’s face it, planning on who gets your stuff (good or bad) after you are dead is not a fun way to spend a day.

This same sentence (“I really need to do that..”) has been crossing my lips since Jason and I bought our first home. I am ashamed to say we are on house number three and have two kids and still no plan. The kids somehow add a higher level of shame to this. What kind of parents are we that we don’t have something prepared – ready to go – in case God forbid Jay & I don’t make it home one day?

Truth be told, I am the kind of person that can’t think in these terms. I know it is possible that something could happen and that I need to be adult about it. I get that. But I can’t sit and imagine me not being there for my kids – so I will hide under the covers and pretend that nothing bad will ever happen so screw you, will.

These thoughts create such a panic within me that I can’t even think about the bad that could one day destroy us without starting to believe that, oh my God it is going to happen. Then I start sobbing uncontrollably and the conversation stops. THE END.

Here’s the million-dollar question…how do you choose who gets your kids? As I have written before, I have a hard time with a nanny caring for my kids while I am at work let alone trying to decide who will get to take over my parenting role, FOREVER. This is the worst decision. Ever.

That being said, it must be made. So do you have to choose family? Is that some unwritten rule? Like if I don’t choose one of our sisters, am I forever going to be the asshole? Do I just do eeny-meeny-miney-mo? What if our family members are not in a position to take on two more kids? Or (gasp) they just don’t want to take care of my kids? Then what…

There is the fact that maybe our family wouldn’t raise the kids in a way I would like to see them raised. Everyone has there own way of doing things, which is fine & dandy, but what if my ways don’t fit within my family member’s way. Is it acceptable to choose friends – or does that bring me back to being the asshole? Do I really care if they think I am an asshole if I am dead…at that point the boy’s care is all that is important. Right? The layers of this decision are so deep. There are so many aspects: financial, discipline, education, religion, health, age, relationships and of course there is the love of sports to name a few. How can we possibly find someone that would be just as good as we feel we are?

This, to me, is the hardest most impossible decision - one that needs to be made even if I am screaming and crying my way through it. My panic will certainly get the best of me but I will be damned if I leave my babies without a plan.

So, now, who wants them? Did I mention how cute they are? THE CUTEST. If you don’t agree, no need to apply.


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