In Need of Patience

I have a hard time with patience. This is not only true in regards to my kids or husband or even the person driving extremely, achingly, slow in front of me in the fast lane (although that person makes me INSANE.) I am inpatient in general regard to my entire life. I will be the first to admit I am always anxious about what’s next. I often struggle to realize what is happening right now is good. So I miss out on how really good it was. Sad and disappointing, I know.

Having said that, it is no big surprise that my house is making me crazy with impatience. We recently moved (in November of last year) to a new, yet really old, house. This was something Jason & I had been talking about and planning to do since we bought our previous home. We knew we would move back to this community and raise our family. We also knew that we wouldn’t be able to afford the same kind of house (in terms of size, etc.) that our old house was in said new community. But still, we were going to make the move. After all, this town is filled with our family and friends, amazing award-winning schools, great parks, and I could go on and on. This was where we belonged.

Pre-move, Jason kept warning me, “You know our new house is not going to have as much space as this house, right?” Me, “Of course, we’ll adjust. I just want to move!” This conversation would be replayed many times. It would move from space, to yard size, to closets, to master baths….and still I just wanted to move. The truth is, I loved my old house. It was brand new when we bought it and had more than enough space for us to start our family. It had a big backyard and spacious patio. It had closets – lots and lots of glorious closets. And bathrooms that were big enough for us to hang out in during our morning routines or during the kids bath time routines. We lived very comfortably in that house.

I really like our new house, too. I don’t love it (yet) but I love what it could be. This is where the not so patient part comes in. I want it to be what I want, now. I am getting tired of things about its oldness. (Jason calls it charming and although there are some charming things, it is mostly old.) Like how the electric is run all crazy and I can’t turn the vacuum on upstairs without blowing a fuse. Or that the appliances are so outdated the fridge doesn’t have an ice-maker (how do people really live happily without an ice-maker?) and the oven doesn’t tell you when it is pre-heated. You just have to guess. Then there are the big things, like bathrooms. I don’t like anything about my current bathrooms and dream of the changes that will hopefully come to them. I know Jason hates that he hits his head on the basement ceiling and the upstairs ceiling; he is proving to be too tall for our little bungalow. Let’s just sum it up by saying we have so, so much we want to do to our home that I often feel overwhelmed. The whole idea makes me both nervous and fearful and hopeful and excited. Here’s the problem…I want it to happen now. As in instantaneously. The planning and budgeting and talking about it aren’t working for me. I need results. My husband assures me they will come. He has a way of reminding me that we need to walk before we sprint for surely we will not win the race but die seconds into it (we aren’t in that great of shape.)

I also hate when I see the progress everyone else is making. I know, it is completely ridiculous to compare us to others, but I still do it. Don’t we all, at least a little, every now and then? It is a regular old case of keeping up with the Joneses. I hate those perfect people and their perfect bathrooms and lives. I am smart enough to know this is not a healthy behavior. Besides, what appears to be is not always what is. I also realize I am so blessed and that I am a Jones to someone else. Someone out there wishes they had my perfect (or not so perfect) life and bathrooms.

If I could, I would tell those people, like me, to just be. Be happy with what you have and thankful for those you share it with. I would also tell them that my bathroom really does suck so they should definitely consider coveting someone else’s. Hopefully with time - and a little patience - my house will be all I've dreamed it could be.

1 comment:

  1. If you ever want to feel better about the lack of progress in your place, please come to mine. Purchased: July 2009. Rooms: 7.5 Rooms that we actually live in: 2.5 Rooms that need to be painted: 7:5 Rooms that still have boxes and boxes of stuff: 6 Rooms that have a place to sit: 2 (not counting the toilets). To be honest, it drives me crazy but I'm kind of glad we are slow on the decor. I've had time to sit and think on it. Trust me when I say I wouldn't do today half the stuff I wanted to do in the first week. Live in the house first - it will make the progress you do make worthwhile and lasting. (PS: This, of course, is Mar.)