Bad Hair and Bathrooms

I hate blow-drying my hair. I mean, really, really hate it. I have extremely thick, unruly hair that takes forever to blow-dry. It has to be separated into layers and dried one layer at a time. Even at my fastest, when I am rushing through it, this process takes at least 20 minutes. The rushing, half-ass job means it looks like crap (which is what happens most days) and in order for it to look good (or as good as I can get it) I really need at least 35 minutes. Add another 10 minutes of flat-ironing to that and you are left with one semi-perfect, sculpted, brown football helmet of hair.

The time spent is not even the worst of it. It is the cramping, paralyzing pain in my right hand from the brushing. First the paddle brush followed by the round brush, over and over again trying to smooth out the wavy mess known as my hair. So there’s the Carpel Tunnel I have to work through. There is also the sweating. This is the worst. Who wants to take a shower only to get out all clean and un-sweaty and start sweating immediately? 10 minutes in to the blow-drying process the shower was for nothing and I am sweating like a pig. I actually have to take sweat-wiping breaks to sop up the sweat rivers rolling all over me. So after all this, my hair will look good but I will smell like I just ran 5 miles. Nice. Time well spent.

Then there is the fact that I blow-dry my hair in my bathroom. The same restroom I share with my family. Of three boys. This is quite possibly the dirtiest room in my house. I have to wipe my bathroom down with Clorox wipes daily. In my opinion, the bathroom should be kept clean and sanitary. The toilet should be free of any bodily function remnants and the sink should not be coated with a layer of old, crusty toothpaste and a ring of dirt. The bathtub floor should not be black or brown (when you have a white tub) and you should not be able to see the dried soap scum bubbles on the shower walls. And last, but still very important, there should be no pee anywhere on the floor. I think these are simple requests.

I have tried teaching my boys, all three of them, that these are the rules. There is one of me and three of them. Guess who wins? One hint, not me or my Clorox wipes. I know when boys are little and potty-training these messes can happen. They miss the bowl, aim to high, shake it off all over and so forth. But I didn’t know that this still continues to occur at age 35. I am certain Jason gets as much pee on the outside of the toilet and floor as Jack & Joey does.  Jack actually manages to get pee on the wall. THE WALL! How you ask? He turns to talk to people in the hallway and apparently forgets he is peeing! Here’s a tip: grab hold of that bad boy and AIM. It is pretty effing simple. The amazing thing is these boys could hit just about any target with a squirt gun.

I won’t even get started on the sink or the tub and I can’t even step foot on the floor without shower shoes on. It is starting to resemble a gas station bathroom. There is rarely toilet paper replaced and I have to hover over my own toilet 90% of the time. I would be better off peeing in the backyard with my only girl, the dog.

So the only thing I hate more than blow-drying? Cleaning the bathroom.

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