Two Years and Just a Moment Ago

Everyone always says time flies. Never has that been more apparent to me than today. Tomorrow is the two-year anniversary of Cozzi dying. I swear he was just here a moment ago. I have never missed someone like I do him. He was a man I loved, and hated, all at the same time. He was a huge part of our lives. He was a father figure and friend to Jason, a step-father figure to me and a beloved Papa to my boys. I am still angry that he left this world so swiftly without me getting to tell him that I loved him and that I was so thankful for the grandfather he was to my kids, especially Jack.

Jack was the light of Cozzi's life. Of course he loved us all, but his relationship with Jack was incredibly special. He was my son's best friend. They danced silly, sang songs (Jack knows the Cubs song and Notre Dame fight song because of him) and played for endless hours. They talked in crazy baby-talk and read story after story. Cozzi was counting down the days until he would see Jack run out of the tunnel onto the football field at Notre Dame. He dreamed big dreams for my boys.

No one thought Jack would remember his Papa and all the fun they shared. He was just a little over 2 years old when he died. But leave it to Cozzi to leave his mark. Jack remembers him and the things they did together. He talks about him often and asks us when he is coming home from Jesus's house (he has been there a long time and he would like him to come home.) It is heartbreaking in a wonderful, incredible kind of way. It makes me so happy that Jack remembers him and knows how much Cozzi adored him and sad that he misses him terribly.

Joey was only three-weeks old when Cozzi left us. The baby that he fussed over in my belly throughout my entire pregnancy arrived and he was elated. Two boys...what was he going to do with himself! He helped me care for Jack while I was on bedrest during my pregnancy with Joey. He even had to drive me to my OB appointment when I was in pre-term labor and assured me he could deliver the baby in his car if he needed to. I am not sure which was worse, that thought or the way the other women looked at me when I walked in to the waiting room of my doctor's office with a man old enough to be my father. We laughed the entire way home. He was always making us all laugh, he was a such a funny guy. We laughed and loved so often.

We watched every Bears game together, had dinner together several times a week, and loved our family swims. We sang the National Anthem together at the top of our lungs every time we heard it. Jason coached football, painted our nursery, and spent endless hours fishing with him on vacations. I didn't know it was possible to miss someone like this.

I feel blessed to know he is up there looking after us. My boys have the best Papa and he is always watching over them. He was a great man to many people. Although we had our moments when he was alive, none of them were more difficult than me getting the phone call from Jason telling me he was gone. Surely you are kidding, I said. I just spent the entire day with him yesterday and he was fine. I can so vividly remember our last day and our last words - just like it was a moment ago.

We love and miss you...


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