Good News & Panic Attacks

Last week was one of those weeks. The kind where you are wrapped up in things like kids colds, laundry, your husbands cold, work and then finally your own cold. It was just kind of blah. Nothing sucks more than the kids and the parents being sick at the same time. If we all feel like shit, who is taking care of who? It was a week like that.

Somewhere in between the snotty noses, antibiotics and coughing, Jason flew to RI for a second interview. This was super exciting news that we were trying desperately not to get too excited over. Getting too excited means really big disappointments and who has time for that with all the nose blowing, coughing and all over lousiness we were already suffering from.

He came home from RI on Tuesday and said things went really well. I was all “How well?” and he was calm, “I don’t know. It seemed really good. They said they would let me know within two days.”  TWO, yes 2, DAYS! How could such a short amount of time feel like FOREVER when you are waiting to hear big, I mean huge, life-changing news? So we waited. And waited some more. I haven’t felt that impatient since I was in labor with my sons. They were well worth all that waiting surely this would be, had to be, too, right?

It was. On Thursday afternoon he received an offer. Just like that, he got a job! A job he has been discussing for months now. A job! With a good company! That he deserves! We were so excited, but also so sick and miserable, that our cheers were muted by blowing and coughing. We celebrated in bed (and not in a good way - get your minds out of the gutter) doped up on cold meds. Ahhhh, the fancy life we lead.

So we are working on feeling better and Jason told work he would start next Monday, as in just a few days from today. Which is freaking me out because I have no childcare lined up for my kids yet. I am interviewing my second nanny option tonight and I pray she is the dream of all nanny’s. I am hoping she is Mary F'ing Poppins. I realize I might have my expectations set a little too high but these are my kids I am talking about.  The small people I carried around (which was no easy task for me) and then birthed. I have never had a babysitter I wasn’t related to or haven’t known most of my life. Now I am supposed to hire a stranger and just leave my kids with them? It seems very unnatural to me. I understand people do this all the time. I was even a nanny in college and I loved the kids I watched, but again, these are now my kids. I feel another panic attack coming on….

The truth of the matter is no one is going to do it better than me. Jason was as close as I was going to get to me and now he has to go and I have to go and we are left with strangers. I know Jay never wanted to be put in the position of stay-at-home Dad, but he has been for these last few months and now the boys are so attached to him being there. We refer to Joey as Jason’s tumor for a reason. The kid lives for his Daddy and is literally attached to him every moment he is awake (and even some when he is not!) Jack is already getting worried that someone new will be taking him to school and picking him up. It is just a whole lot of change for us. I understand change can be good but I also understand that change can create panic attacks in mass quantities. Time to fill the Xanex, say a prayer and hope like hell this nanny shows up with a bag full of tricks, a magic umbrella and the last name Poppins.

My husband is the greatest Dad ever. Congrats babe! 
We are so proud of you and love you! xoxo

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